Send in the Clowns

I haven't been that inspired lately to take photos and by inspired, I mean that it's been way too cold to go outside and shoot. While not a really good excuse, I really haven't been motivated. However, last night I stayed up after arriving home and around one in the morning, I shot this self-portrait.

It is inspired by Frank Sinatra's "Send in the Clowns", which is a song written by Stephen Sondheim for the musical A Little Night Music. It is a song of sorrow and regret and while not dramatized, Sinatra's voice is very moving, which really speaks to the talent of the very celebrated singer. One thing I love about Sinatra is his ability to portray the role of the person singing and emote the feelings as if he was the one deeply affected enough to have written the lyrics. He really makes it easy for us to relate to the song. I believe all of us have found ourselves at the end of a relationship that had at one time sparked this deep passion within us.

Whenever I listened to the song, I imagined Sinatra standing on stage with only a spotlight on him as he conveyed his story about his heartache in front of an audience. And so, I set up a flash perhaps three foot taller than me and three feet away. I was sure that I would have to use full power on my Nikon SB-25 speedlight because I wanted to kill all ambient light around me. I shot at f/22 and 1/250 shutter speed so I would only get the flash. I set up a foam board as a flag to limit spill of the flash on the back wall. I took the photo and in Photoshop, I simply just placed it on a new layer of black. I wanted quite a bit of negative space to reflect the sorrow and loneliness of the song.

What Tiger Can Teach Obama

I saw the cover and laughed as I looked through the magazine rack. 10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger made me glad I am not a magazine editor, but it helped in at least one sale today. I immediately came up with an idea, but it got even better. There was a pull-out section, like a Playboy centerfold, but it merely showed forty-eight pictures of Jack Nicklaus from 1940 when he was a baby up until the present in preparation of his 70th birthday.

The Wescott 28" softbox is a handy light modifier and I've gain compliments on my photos because of using it, even though they have little idea of lighting technique, which is a bit less than I know. I have an SB-25 on the way to replace my SB-600 since I have a pc adapter rubberbanded to the hotshoe because it really isn't that secure. The SB-25 has the sync port while the SB-600 does not.

I'm just beginning to learn about off camera flash, but I think I just need more experience. My first approach for this shot is knowing that I wanted to eliminate most ambient light, which was going to take a high-sync speed. So 1/250 of a second was dialed and I decided to used ISO 400 because I knew it was going to be dark inside my small living room. Then I shot at f/4 for a test with the magazine on the chair and could see immediately that it was too bright. I shot at f/5.6 and only a small bit of the magazine was flashing on the highlights screen. I stopped it down 1/3 stop, and then realized that the magazine was being held a little closer to my softbox which was just right of the camera and pointed downward a little above eye level. I then dropped the aperture another 1/3 stop at f/7.1.

I probably took nearly 100 photos. I started at one angle shooting down, then moved the camera to left and shot more. By the time I shot this frame, I had gone ninety degrees around the chair, lowered and then raised the tripod. Some frames were ruined due to anticipating the flash. Sometimes, it would be nice to have a random self-time mode so one doesn't get used to the time before the shutter is released. At 1/2 power, the flash was close enough to really get several frames of squinty eyes, but with my new CyberSyncs, I didn't have to deal with the on camera flash, which is worse. Before, I would place a sock overtop of the flash to diffuse it and enough light came through to trip the optical slave.

Self-portraits.

I have shot several self-portraits since I began shooting November 2008. Here is the latest self-portrait:


I had for the past year looked at David Hobby's Strobist blog and elsewhere looking at adding some light. Working in television, I understood the importance of light, but I didn't really understand the concept of it. While I've been consistently taking photos as my schedule allows, I happened to find two wild and crazy gringos, who were doing one light set-ups like Zack Arias. I liked what I was seeing and priced a softbox as well as the Cybersyncs that Michael was using.

I got the light stand and softbox with the hot shoe umbrella clamp yesterday. I had them delivered to work. It is much easier that way. Then I took the following picture before going to bed.



I am definitely going to have to search for some models, although shooting outside isn't much of an option lately due to the cold weather. I have a nice rabbit fur hat that becomes quickly unbearable indoors and actually used it extensively last year to better get acquainted with the Nikon D40 over the winter. It really seems like I've been shooting for much long and in a sense I have through the concepts I learned for video production. I had wanted to purchase a digital-SLR for some time, but never had the extra cash. Now, I am satisfied using the Nikon D200, but I would love a few more lenses and more lighting, which is really the heart of the image.





It still remains odd to see oneself. I find myself wanted to be represented in some way. Somber, cool, happy or some other type of emotion. Some on Flickr do a 365 self-portrait, which is a self-portrait a day for an entire year. If only I had that amount of time.

Lensbaby 2.0 and Learning New Gear

I purchased the Lensbaby 2.0 from Amazon after just looking for something new to add to my photo gear. I bought it on sale at amazon.com and am happy with being able to experiment with something new. While it comes with different drop-in apertures, I think the tendency for people to use wide apertures because they want a shallow depth of field. Of course, tilting the lens does not change the depth of field, but merely changes the focal plane. These two things will work against each other if one wants to maintain some focus in their image.

I really wish I had a couple grand to drop on a tilt-shift lens, but then again, right now, I'd rather have the new 70-200mm f/2.8 VRII Nikon. If you know anyone willing to trade one for a '73 Cadillac Eldorado convertible, which does need some work, let me know.

It has been exciting to see my progress, but I feel like there is even much more to learn in digital photography. I would love to have more gear only to have the ability to have more options. You cannot learn what a lens is able to do until you shoot with it. I am venturing out into new areas of photography and ordered a softbox and some radio triggers. I recently discovered Lighten Up and Shoot and really got inspired to start using off camera flash. I haven't done many portraits because I understand the techniques for lighting since I come from a video background, but didn't have the equipment nor do I have a grasp of strobes compared to WYSIWYG of video lighting. I cannot wait until I start taking some pictures with more control of light.

I have received positive comments on my photos. Although I have shot nearly 25,000 images so far, I believe around 400 have actually been seen by others. When I first started shooting, I could spend a couple hours, shoot 200 photos and not have a single one that really stood out. Now, there are still times when I just don't see anything too interesting and only fire off a few exposures just to see if I can find something that works. The forest photo below is after walking around for about an hour and not seeing anything, I wanted to look through a "new" lens and threw on the Lensbaby. I only took perhaps ten shots, but this stood out in my mind even before I looked through the viewfinder. I love that moment when things just click.

The following picture is one I took at Woodland Cemetery and first began to play around with the Lensbaby. I really like the effect. It's difficult to hold your camera still while pressing down on the shutter button. However, I think isolating my index finger has been instilled in me from firing off handguns as well as releasing your breath as you pull the trigger to open your shutter.



Lost in the Woods, Lensbaby 2.0 f/4, 1/125, ISO 100


Lensbaby f/5.6, 1/400, ISO 250

A Year of Photos

It has been a little over a year since I first purchased a Nikon DSLR. The first model I bought was a D40, but soon, I needed something a little more. When autofocus motors first were introduced in Nikon, they were placed in the body that would mate with the slotted screw in the lens. A few years later, Nikon would begin creating lenses with autofocus motors. The D40 excluded the in-camera motor so autofocus would require lenses with the motor inside. After the first of the year, I purchased a 50mm f/1.8 lens, which was designed for Nikon bodies with the AF motor.

It became frustrating to autofocus with the shallow depth of field possible with the fast 50mm lens, so I decided to look around for perhaps a used D80 and found several dealer samples for $550 dollars on several websites. And then I wondered how much a D200 would run and eventually I found that BestBuy.com were selling the bodies for $799. I decided to go ahead and purchase the D200 and as soon as it landed in my hands, they marked the price down to $650. Since it was within the thirty days, they credited my card and a week later, it drops to $600 and another $50 was credited to me. So I really got a new D200 for $50 more than a used dealer sample D80, although I would have been satisfied either way. However, I do love the ability to change settings without having to go into the menu system.

I really love digital and the ability to learn quickly. So far, I've captured over 20,000 images, but only posted a few hundred on my flickr account. Some images I thought were fantastic out in the field were less inspiring when viewed larger and some which had been nice images really stood out when looking through a day of shooting. I wish I could dedicate more time to photography, but work and college come first.

However, the time that I have spent has really reenforced the conceptual ideas of photography into practical applications. An example of this is the basic exposure triangle. While seemingly easy to understand, there are many who have spent thousands of dollars for the best equipment who lack such knowledge and fail to understand why their photos on their D300s come out blurred. Like I said, when I first got into it, I shot with the entry level D40 and quickly learned that the camera fought against me by automatically setting the ISO speed. After setting up the camera, I spent five months shooting 95% of the time in manual mode pressing the exposure compensation button, which was used in manual mode, to change aperture.

But it really began a love of capturing images that I could share.

Time Slippin' Away

I've not update this blog for a few months, but with college, a full-time job and trying to spend time taking photographs in between, it is easy to see why I haven't posted a new blog since June. It's also easy to see why I've not run off and gotten married yet, either.

My last relationship, despite how well intentioned and seemingly desirable it began, it slowly devolved until what had started the affair was no longer there towards the end. All those hopes and dreams never turned out the way either of us thought it would. She would say that with school and everything else that I didn't have time for her, but things were much more complicated than just time.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life." -Proverbs 13:12

Talking with other people, I've heard statements that life has not turned out the way they have imagined. I never thought I would never have been married by the ripe ol' age of thirty-three. At the least, I thought I would have been through my first divorce.

So much for blogging. Check out some pictures I've taken lately.

June 7, 1999

Ten years ago today, I walked into work and did not walk out.

Fortunately, that was not the entire story. While I have moved on with my life, there will always be something that I left there on the floor where I lay having suffered multiply broken bones.

The years have gone by and every June 7th, I think of my coworkers who surrounded me in the moments after I had been tossed about like a rag doll on a paper machine. I can still feel the warm humid air and see my legs twisted; my right thigh laying on top of my left leg causing great discomfort. Endorphins were racing through my body as I tried to take hold of the situation in my mind. My body was geared for fight or flight and it had chosen the latter because the only place I wanted to be was home, but I could not move.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of it. It is always there hovering over me. While I was recovering, I imagined that my bones would heal and I would return to the things that I did before. But that did not happen. I can say that most days the pain in my knees is minimal and sometimes hardly noticeable, but I am still incapable of certain movements or actions like running or squatting. But there are days when it just hurts and all I really want to do is get off my feet. Then, there are days that are absolutely insufferable and by the end of the day I am in tears from the pain. About a month ago, I suffered a few days of hellish pain in both knees, which made it difficult to focus on anything else.

I think back to the changes I have made in my life from avoiding certain activities such as amusement parks and finding a job where I am not on my feet all the time. Peter, who I had hired to represent me, and I were discussing the merits of my case when he stopped in mid-sentence and said, “Look at you. You’re like a five year old kid.” I became offended because I thought he was talking about my intellect, but he continued to explain that he had been watching me fidget in the chair for the past five minutes as if I were a five year old who could not sit still. I still cannot sit still. But I always appreciate those moments when I can just sit there and relax.

There is a reoccurring dream that I have from time to time. I am back inside the paper factory and one of my bosses comes over and says, “I need you to work on this machine.”

I reply, “I cannot work on the machine. My knees hurt,” And for the rest of my dream I am upset because I was asked to do something I just could not do. I have similar dreams about once or twice a month. Every time, I am always asked to do work that I cannot do, but there is also this feeling that I am capable of something far superior than the work I’ve been requested to perform.

I spent some years lamenting those things I could not do any longer. At twenty-three, I felt that thirty to forty good years were taken from me. I had been in the best shape of my life and believed that life was only getting better. Only a few people knew that this dark cloud hung over me for I believed that death had not finished me off. While it was something I constantly tried to discredit, in my mind I felt that I was going to die before I reached my thirtieth birthday. As my birthday approached, this dark cloud began to lift off of me. What this taught me was that beliefs are powerful and must be reexamined to really determine if they make sense.

At one time, I believed I was not college material until I met some people who graduated from college. Now I am pursuing something I would never believed or even dream that I could achieve. In fact, sometimes I think I am crazy to even consider the possibility, but why not?

The World According to Tom

I figured since I had some time, I would write about how I became interested in photography. While I always had a desire to see the world through a lens, it wasn't until recently as November 2008 that I purchased my first serious camera, the Nikon D40 digital single lens reflex (D-SLR) camera. I had attended the International College of Broadcasting and graduated in March 2003. While I have always been interested in television and movies, I never pursued it until after I became severely injured during an incident at a factory. And just like a character in a movie, my first flight was on an ambulance helicopter.

After three months of looking for work, which was limited to my injuries, I decided I needed to go to college and then decided to get into video production. I had purchased The Filmmaker's Handbook long before registering for classes and by the time I sat in the classroom, I had a headstart in understanding the concepts. During the time I was a student, others looked to me to have a top notch student video produced. However, I feel that the best video that came out of our class there was Scott Knisley's music video. It was a great concept and very well executed.
Eventually, and by eventually I mean three and a half years, I finally got a full time gig in broadcasting, which I continue to do at this moment. I direct newscasts at a local news station. It involves bringing together all the video, camera shots, graphics that a producer wants in his or her show and putting them on air. While most of the time, things go smoothly, there are times when things go haywire and you have to remain calm and really stay on your toes because there are thousands of people watching your work as it happens.

While I still love video and the production of creative works, there are two large obstacles. The first is that besides perhaps nature videos or the like, a production of a video takes numerous people working together. While I love the creative process of many people putting their own mark on a video or movie, it also leads to the second problem: money. Financing a project is not cheap. From buying not only a good quality camera, one must also buy or rent good lighting, editing equipment and pay for actors and anyone else involved in the production. While one may find volunteers, they're not as passionate about the project as you are.

While the Nikon D40 is an awesome camera, it is a basic entry level D-SLR. Since November, I have taken nearly 9,000 pictures with it. When I have had a few hours in a day, I easily shot 400 pictures. Sometimes after looking through them at the end of the day, I would be happy with nothing I shot, but if nothing else, I learn from the experience. One thing that photography gives me is the the freedom of not needing to rely on several other people to have this creativity outlet. However, I still watch television and movies with half my brain paying attention to the storyline while the other half is looking at how a scene was shot and if they used a fast lens to blur the background as I see constantly in one of my favorite shows, ABC's Lost.

Recently, I upgraded to a Nikon D200. It doesn't shoot better pictures than the D40 because that is the job of the photographer. So, don't be fooled when someone shows you the latest and greatest camera and tells you about the great pictures it takes. Because it isn't about the camera, it is all about what you see! The D200 only allows me to get to the controls much faster and easier than the D40. And it isn't the latest and greatest D-SLR either. The D300 was annouced on August 2007, nearly two years after Nikon announced the D200. Both cameras are similar with the D300 getting a couple of more megapixels and a larger LCD screen. However, it wasn't until recently that D200's really came down in price and I quickly bought mine from BestBuy.com. However, a couple days later, the price dropped again and I was able to save an extra $160, which brought the price of the camera down over a $1000 from its original released price in November 2005. See how patience pays off?

And what did could one purchase with that savings? A speedlight, tripod and head, camera bag and a couple of very good lenses. The lens, not the camera is the most important part of the system.

Below are several pictures I've taken. Click on them to go to their page in Flickr for a larger view.